If She ONly Knew
by Caroline Gottschalk Jackson
Summary: *Complete Songfic* This one is about Skittery and why he's so sad. He think's about the one he let get away. (it's good...i hope)


OK HELLO! Second songfic ever! Go me! Anyway I don't think this one is as good as my first one but here you go! Also the words to the song will be in these (( )) 

            He had only been a kid when he fell in love, ok sure it had been about six months ago but he'd grown since then. Maybe if he hadn't hidden most of his true self away she'd be here in his arms. He wished with all of his heart she was in his arms again, but wishing never made things happen. If he had only said 'I love you.' He might not be feeling all of this pain.

            Skittery sighed as he took a drag from his cigarette. He looked over Manhattan as all the 'what if's' ran through his mind. He had only been sixteen when he had fallen for Emma. Now that he was seventeen he felt like an old man who had gone through too many heartaches. He had loved her; he had known it ever since they shared their first kiss. But now she was gone. She had left Skittery when he still stayed a bit distance and still hadn't told her he loved her. 

((If she only knew

What I knew but couldn't say

If she could just see

The part of me I hid away

If I could just hold her in my arms again

And just say I love you

But she's gone away, maybe she'd stay

If she only knew))

            How could he have been so blind not to see how she was hurting on the inside? No, Skittery wasn't hurting her, not directly anyways. She had needed someone to love her and take care of her, but not just that. She needed to hear them say it. Skittery hadn't understood it as the time but knew deep down in his soul that what they had was perfect from the beginning. All he needed to do was tell her that he'd be there. Now she was gone, out of Skittery's grasp. It tore him up inside that maybe she would have stayed if he had just said what he knew deep down. If he had only said those three words.

((If she could just feel

What I feel in my heart

She'd know it was real

Pure and true from the start

But I'm just a man who didn't understand

What she was going through

But she's gone away, maybe she'd stay

If she only knew)) 

Skittery rubbed one of his hands over his eyes as tears blurred his vision. He couldn't believe he let her get away. None of his friends understood his pain. It had been so easy to fall in love with her, but to tell her was something completely different. He wished he could be more like Mush who told basically every girl he loved them, but he didn't know this kind of love at all. 

((And how, how did I let her get away

Cause love, love is so easy to feel

But the hardest thing to say))

            Whenever Skittery closed his eyes visions of her smiling face flashed before him. All he dreamed about was her, all the thought about was her. Actually he had gotten the courage to tell her how he felt, but by then it was too late and she didn't believe him. He had waited too long. By the time he finally saw that she was breaking away from him it was way past too late. 

            "Hey Skitt," A voice said next to him almost timidly. 

            "Yeah Race," Skittery said, his voice expressed his loneliness in ways words never could. 

            "Queens is here, for da poker game. You'se commin'?" Racetrack was worried about his friend, all of the newsies were. They all tried their best to cheer him up but it never seemed to work, their best just wasn't good enough. 

((If she could just see

What I see when I close my eyes

All that I dream

Surely she would realize

But like a fool I wait much too long

To let her know the truth 

She's gone away, maybe she'd stay 

If she only knew))

            "You'se don't have ta come if you'se don't wanna," Race said after his friend hadn't responded.

            "Nah," Skittery said sighing. "I'll be dere in a bit."

            If Race had said anything else it didn't register with Skittery. He stood there looking out over the city thinking of the one that got away. 

((Tell me, tell me how

How did I let her get away

Cause I guess that love

Love is so easy to feel 

But the hardest thing to say))

            After another few minutes Skittery slowly made his way down the fire escape and into the bunkroom. The normally semi-tame room was now bustling with activity. There were newsies everywhere. Skittery plopped down on a bunk just to watch; he wasn't in the mood to join in the hullabaloo ((AN//LOL couldn't help but use that word…it's so funny)) right now. His gaze drifted to the door where a steady stream of newsies were flowing in. Soon the last of the visiting newsies had arrived and no one passed through the doorway. Then a small group entered and Skittery nearly fell off the bed. Emma was there. She was here, at this poker game.

            Skittery had made himself push back all the thoughts and desires of wanting Emma again when he had entered the bunkroom. Now they all came rushing back to him in full force as she stood there here eyes scanning the room, looking for someone. Skittery got up from the bed and made his way to the fire escape. He knew if he didn't get out of there he'd walk right up to Emma and tell her he still loved her. He didn't even know if she had another guy or not.

((If she only knew

What I knew but could not say

If she could just see

The part of me I hi away

If I could just hold her in my arms again

And just say I love you

She's gone away, maybe she'd stay 

If she only knew, if she only knew))

            Skittery sat down on the roof and leaned up against the short wall that enclosed the flat roof. He had drawn his knees up to his chest and wrapped his arms around them. His head was bent down and rested on top of his knees. HE felt a few tears trickle down his cheeks and made no move to wipe them away. Someone sat down beside him and Skittery let out a loud sniff. 

            "I'se not going back down Race, an' don't try ta cheer me up either," Skittery said. His voice sounded strained as he tried to keep himself from crying. 

            "I'se not Race," A soft voice replied. Skittery nearly jumped out of his skin. He knew that voice, it as Emma. He quickly wiped the tears away before he raised his head to look at her. Skittery swallowed hard.

            "What do you'se want?" He asked hoping by some miracle she'd come back to be with him. She just shrugged.

            "Isn't it more of what you'se want?" She asked.

            "You'se better go," Skittery said as he looked away from Emma.

            "I'se not wid anyone an' your friends told me you'se had something ta say ta me."

            Skittery looked back up at Emma and into her eyes. He searched for something there, not really knowing what it was but finding it anyway. Without another moment's hesitation Skittery pulled Emma into his arms.

            "I'se love you," He said, his voice shaky. 

            "I'se know," Emma said as tears fell down her cheeks. "I'se not leavin' you'se dis time. I'se need you'se."

            Skittery smiled as tears of joy ran down his already tear chapped cheeks. He then sent up a silent thanks to anyone who was out there for his second change.

((AN// Sappy I know. I was gonna have it her not come back to him but I just couldn't do that to Skittery! He's so sweet! But some songfic I do won't have a fairy-tale ending…unless you all like that. Tell my what you think! So review please!…oh yeah! The song belongs to 98* and we all know that the newsies don't belong to me…well Race and Skit and Spot do…they live in my closet with Aerosmith. LOL well anyway that's that! Also the song is title 'If She Only Knew" so yeah…))


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